I'm assuming that, having decided to follow this link, you are prepared to accept the possibility of a woman owning and using a handgun. This subject is not open for debate. I encourage you to investigate the literature in this field if you feel inclined to debate, but do it somewhere else. Whatever your ultimate choice, the fact that it is your choice is all that matters -- and the same goes for everyone else.

I am also assuming that you have a basic grounding in firearms safety and understand and follow such rules as not pointing a firearm at anything you are not prepared to see destroyed and the check-three-times rule for cleaning and unloading. If you do not have this grounding, then sign up for a firearms safety class through the NRA or a local gun store before you so much as pick up a firearm.

Yet another assumption that I am making is that you are interested in handguns as a home defense device only and not as a hobby or for sport. Many of the things I say in here hinge on the assumption that you wish to purchase one handgun as a home or personal defense device. As time goes on, I hope to add more to the FAQ, but beyond these considerations, I think that there is very little said in general (i.e. to men) that doesn't apply to women as well.

1. The different types of handguns
2. The different types of ammunition
3. How strong a handgun you can really shoot, stances
4. The best handguns for home defense
5. My own choice
6. Gunproofing your kids, childproofing your guns
7. Racking the slide on an autoloader
8. Holsters for women
9. Holster purses
10. Finding the right gun for a smaller hand
11. Flinching and what to do about it
12. Finding the courage to defend yourself

The Types Of Handguns And How They Work

A single, complete round of ammunition is composed of the following four items:

1. The bullet: Although many people call a complete round or cartridge a "bullet," strictly speaking it refers only to the piece of lead that is held in the front of the casing. Attempting to buy a "box of bullets" in a gun store will result in a box of bits of lead, and not fireable cartridges.
2. The casing: Most often made of brass, this holds the bullet, crimped in the front of the casing, and is filled with a measured amount of powder.
3. The powder: This burns very quickly -- it does not explode -- and the pressure of the resulting expanding gases pushes the bullet out of the casing, down the barrel, and out of the gun.
4. The primer: A chemical compound which sparks when struck. This spark then ignites the powder.

When the trigger of a handgun is pulled, the spring-loaded hammer at the rear of the gun is propelled forward and strikes the firing pin. The pin then strikes the primer. This causes the primer to spark, which ignites the powder. The powder then burns very quickly, and the expanding gases push the bullet forward into the barrel.

Once in the barrel, the bullet, made of soft lead, engages a series of grooves that spiral down the inside of the barrel, called the rifling. These cause the bullet to spin like a well-thrown football. The bullet then exits the handgun spinning; this gives it extra needed stability to insure that it will go where it has been aimed.

Revolvers

A revolver, which is what most people think of when they think of a handgun, keeps the now-empty casing in the cylinder, the round section that was swung out of the handgun's frame and loaded with fresh rounds prior to firing. (Typically, the cylinder will have six chambers, or spaces in which these rounds are placed -- a "six-shooter." Other revolvers which have 5 and 9 chambers in their cylinders are not uncommon.) Pictured is the Taurus model 85.

When all six rounds have been shot and the six empty casings are left in the gun's cylinder, the shooter then presses a cylinder release latch, swings the cylinder out, and presses the ejector, which pushes the empty casings out of the gun so that it can be reloaded.

Revolvers can either be single-action, or double-action; which one depends on what the trigger is designed to do. In double-action revolvers, pulling the trigger back will cause the hammer to lift, then fall forward and strike the firing pin. The trigger thus performs two tasks: cocking the hammer (lifting it back), and releasing it.

The trigger on an exclusively single-action revolver, however, is not designed to lift the hammer before releasing it. This kind of revolver must therefore be cocked manually, using the thumb, every time it is fired -- like the cowboy six-shooters in Old West movies. (Rent "Silverado" and watch Kevin Costner's hands as he shoots up the stairs outside the jail in Turley. You can see his thumbs working the hammer every time he shoots -- in fact, you can see this whenever any of the actors shoots. Trust me, you'll like the movie, too -- it's not some macho preposterone-laden crap. Four sensitive cowboys have adventures and relate to each other in a really loosely-plotted movie. And you get to see Scott Glenn in leather pants and high-heeled boots. :-)) As a result, these revolvers are clumsy, slow, and very poor for defense, although fun to shoot.

Most double-action revolvers can be fired in single-action mode, however -- simply by cocking the hammer manually. Other revolvers are permanently double-action -- either because they have internal hammers, or hammers without spurs, so that the shooter cannot cock them prior to shooting.

Autoloaders

Autoloaders, also called semi-automatics, are a bit more complex; they employ an ingenious system to eject the spent casing from the gun automatically. The most obvious difference between revolvers and autoloaders is that the latter is flat-sided, without the round cylinder of the revolver. Instead of loading it by swinging out the cylinder and putting rounds in the chambers, a container called a magazine, about the size of a small TV remote control, is filled with rounds and then pushed up into the handgun's grip. (Taurus's model PT 58 is pictured.)

When the trigger of an autoloader is pulled, the hammer falls forward and begins the process by which a bullet finally exits the handgun. After this, the pressure of the expanding gases pushes the slide on the top of the handgun back as the bullet leaves the gun. In this manner, a hole in the slide called the ejector port is lined up with the spent casing, and the ejector automatically pops the spent casing out the hole and out of the gun to land a few feet away from the shooter. A stiff spring in the bottom of the magazine then pushes the next round into the chamber to be fired, and the entire process starts over again. All of this happens in the merest fraction of a second after the trigger is pulled, almost faster than the eye can follow.

(This also explains the difference between a semi-automatic firearm and an automatic one. A semi-automatic loads a new round by itself after the first one has been shot (the spent casing is automatically popped out of the gun, and a fresh one takes its place). However, the trigger must be pulled once for every round fired. An automatic, however, fires round after round as long as the trigger is held down, like those big rifles that suck up belts of ammunition in old WWII movies.)

The terms single- and double-action apply a bit differently to autoloaders than to revolvers. In many of these handguns, the slide acts to cock the hammer as it is moving back each time the trigger is pulled. Thus, even though the handgun can be fired in double-action mode (with the hammer down), it is effectively in single-action mode after the first shot. An exclusively single-action autoloader is not as slow and cumbersome as a single-action revolver, however. Although the trigger on a single-action autoloader is not capable of cocking the hammer, the slide performs this function handily.

Derringers

Derringers are the tiny handguns similar to that used to assassinate Abraham Lincoln, shown at left. A derringer has neither the rotating cylinder of a revolver nor the spring-loaded magazine of the autoloader. Indeed, it has no mechanism for putting a fresh round in front of the firing pin: it is designed to shoot one round only. To load a derringer, the barrel of the gun is swung down from the grip at its hinge, allowing the shooter to place a fresh round inside. The barrel is swung back into place and the gun is then fired. It must be opened again, the spent casing picked out by hand and a new one put in its place, before it can be fired a second time. (Some derringers, with two barrels and a separate trigger for each, can fire two rounds before being reloaded.)

Such guns are often very small and designed to shoot only the smallest caliber of ammunition -- the tiny .22 and .25 rounds. Since they often shoot only one round at a time (and the weakest rounds to boot), they have been traditionally regarded as dueling weapons (where you are permited to shoot only one round), or as "ladies'" handguns (heaven forbid we should give an attacker anything worse than a boo-boo). For defense purposes, derringers are utterly worthless, good only for collectors. Don't waste your time or money on these handguns as defensive firearms.

Types of Ammunition

Bullet Size

Simply speaking, the caliber of a round most often refers to the bullet's diameter in inches. A .22 round is 0.22 inches in diameter, fairly small. A .45 round is 0.45 inches in diameter -- just under a hefty half-inch across. A 9mm round, a caliber comparable to the .38 which originated in Europe, is 9mm in diameter -- larger than a .22 but smaller than a .45. A handgun is called by the caliber of the most powerful ammunition it is designed to shoot (more on this later); thus, a handgun designed to shoot .45 caliber rounds is called a .45 caliber handgun.

However, it can't all be this simple (of course). There are deviations from this rule that seem confusing at first, but are fairly easy to understand. One of the most common calibers of handgun ammunition is the .357 Magnum. You might expect that this is a different diameter from the .38, but in reality, they are both the same size -- around 0.36" across.

Cartridge Strength

Another characteristic of a round is the amount of powder it contains. This is often designated by a letter or word after the number. For example, .22 caliber rounds come in .22-short, .22-long, and .22-long rifle (.22S, .22L, and .22LR), which refer to the lengths of the casing and hence the powder contained and the strength of the ammunition. There are handguns designed to shoot all of these.

The common .38 caliber rounds, an excellent choice for a defensive handgun, can be any of the following:

• a .38-Special (.38Spl), the basic, most common variety of .38.
• a .38-plus-P (.38+P), with more powder and hence more punch than a .38Spl.
• a .38-plus-P-plus (.38+P+), with yet more powder.
• a .38 Regular (.38R), archaic and not easy to find. This caliber was designed in the mid-1800's and was quickly replaced by the .38Spl.

The next step up in cartridges of this diameter is the .357-Magnum (which, despite the different number, is the same diameter as the .38). Considered a different caliber of ammunition even though it is the same diameter, it holds quite a bit more powder than the .38's and is held in a longer casing. Since the cartridge is longer overall, most .38 revolvers cannot hold or shoot .357M cartridges, although a .357M revolver can hold and shoot .38's handily. This is not dangerous -- .357M revolvers are meant to shoot both .38's and .357M's.

Magnums exist in many calibers suitable for defense. There are .357M and .41/.44M (9mm and .45, the other popular defense loads, do not have Magnum calibers).

Bullet Shape

There are many different kinds of bullet shapes; this primer will go through the most basic ones that a knowledgeable gunowner should be familiar with. The basic types are:

1. ball or round-nosed ammunition: the type that most often springs to mind when people think of bullets, with a round nose. Touted as more humane, and required by the Hague Convention in warfare, it penetrates dangerously due to its small surface area and can easily pass through a target to endanger people or objects behind.
2. wadcutter ammunition: flat-tipped ammunition where the front of the bullet is literally flat across the casing. This was used to score shooting matches when it was seen that ball ammunition tore jagged holes in the paper. Wadcutter ammunition acts like a paper-punch, making neat holes that are easier to score. A further refinement of this type of ammunition is semi-wadcutter, in which the front of the bullet looks like a cone with the tip cut off. The front of the bullet is still flat, but the tapering tip makes it load into revolvers and feed into autoloaders more easily.
3. hollowpoint ammunition: where the front of the bullet is hollowed out. The shape of the bullet makes it mushroom out when it hits a target, increasing its surface area dramatically. As a result of this, it is almost guaranteed to come to a stop inside the target and not pass through to endanger someone or something behind. There are various refinements on this basic design, such as rounds that expand into a shape similar to a five-petaled English heraldic rose, called Starfire rounds, and Hydro-shock rounds, with a little tongue of metal inside the hollow tip to improve the mushrooming effect. Another refinement is the Black Talon, surrounded by more media hype than the round merits. The Black Talon's single departure from the standard hollowpoint design is that it is coated with a black metal which expands into sharp petals surrounding the mushroom shape. Supposedly, these petals do more damage to the target than simple hollowpoints, but the damage is not appreciably greater. They are often claimed to go through targets "like buzz saws," since handgun bullets rotate as they travel. However, in reality, any round will complete much less than one rotation passing through something the size of a person. Black Talons do not increase the stopping power of the standard hollowpoint by much.
4. frangible ammunition: Even more esoteric than the 1,001 variations on the hollowpoint design is this bullet type. Instead of the typical little lead pellet at the end of the casing, what is there is a little brass cup with a bunch of metal fragments inside, capped with a plastic tip. When the cup is blown out of the casing and impacts the target, the plastic tip is pushed inside the cup and the metal fragments are released. These are guaranteed against ricochet and overpenetration (passing through the target) and are also a "hot load": since they are lighter than conventional lead bullets, they must be given quite a kick to perform properly. More on these in the defense section of the page.

Following this convention, ".38Spl semiwadcutter hollowpoint" ammunition is that which is roughly .38" in diameter, filled with the least powder of the various .38 rounds, and shaped like a truncated cone with the front hollowed out.

Bullet Jacketing

Although the bullet itself is made of lead, it may be coated with a thin layer of other material. Shooting a handgun or any firearm invariably involves cleaning it later, and a considerable part of that cleaning process is removing "lead fouling" in the barrel -- bits of lead which have been stuck to the inside of the gun due to the soft bullet scraping along either the forcing cone -- the first part of the barrel that the bullet engages, slightly tapered so that the bullet can slip into the barrel and engage the rifling grooves more easily -- or the rifling grooves themselves. One way of solving this problem of lead fouling is to "jacket" the bullet in another material which will not prevent the bullet from engaging the rifling grooves. (The most common material is copper, although other easily shaped metals can be used as well. One such brand of ammunition is called Ny-Clad and employs a nylon coating.)

There are varieties of jacketing -- those that do not cover the very tip of the bullet, and those that cover every bit of the bullet, called "full" or "total metal jacket," and sometimes denoted by FMJ or TMJ on the round.

In summary, you want to note these four characteristics of a round:

1. diameter,
2. amount of powder or strength,
3. bullet shape, and
4. bullet jacketing.

and that should suffice to start. Thus, a .357M SWCHP FMJ round is:

• around .38 inches in diameter,
• the most powerful round of its diameter,
• holds a bullet that is shaped like a cone with the tip cut off (SWC = "semiwadcutter") with a hollow nose (HP = "hollowpoint"), and
• that is coated in metal, most likely copper.

Other Stuff

Cartridges also differ in where they place the primer. .22 caliber rounds most often have the primer inside the little rim at the rear of the casing; this is called a rimfire round. Most other calibers have the primer in a little depression in the rear center of the casing; this is called a centerfire round.

There are other types of ammunition that you may have heard of -- teflon, or "cop killer" bullets are familiar terms. The proper term for such ammunition is armor-piercing ammunition. Despite its media name, of "cop killer" since they can pierce body armor (bullet-proof vests), armor-piercing bullets have been sold only to law-enforcement agencies practically for as long as they have been around, and no police officer to date has been killed with an armor-piercing round while wearing body armor. Also, despite their "scary" name, most police officers prefer to use hollowpoints for their superior stopping power.

Can A Handgun Shoot More Than One Caliber?

Sometimes a handgun can shoot more than one caliber; this depends on the robustness of the handgun itself. The gas pressure generated from the burning gunpowder is extremely large -- shooting a round more powerful than the handgun is designed to handle can result in damage or injury since the gun may not be able to withstand the greater pressure. For example, a shooter who owns a handgun rated to shoot only .38Spl must never load her gun with .38+P or .38+P+. (Since the casing is larger, the .357M will simply not fit in a .38 handgun.) A .357M however can shoot any of the .38/.357M rounds safely. A .44M handgun can shoot both .44M and .44Spl.

Larger Caliber Guns And Women

Many people say that a .22 caliber handgun is as strong as a woman can manage, and some men will actively discourage a woman from purchasing anything stronger. Unless you are weak from illness or have a motor or neurological problem that prevents you from holding onto something firmly, this is plain malarkey. Women may not be Arnold Schwartzenegger sized, but I have yet to hear of the woman so weak that she could not fire even a .45 with the proper training and shooting stance, though you will want to avoid the .41/.44 Magnum as your primary handgun purchase. (As a pistol to shoot at a range, with proper ear protection, it is so powerful that it can be downright fun -- it's delightfully weird to have a Howitzer in your hand :-) -- but as a primary home and personal defense handgun, it's too much. Save it for your third or fourth purchase, if you are able to afford more than one, and stick with the .380, .38, 9mm, or .45 for a primary weapon.)

But if someone tries to foist off a small caliber handgun on you because "That's too big a gun for a girl," you can tell them about my friend Cindy, who at 5'2" was the person to introduce me to Ruger's .357M, and another friend of mine Sidra, who at 4'10" shot both my own Ruger and a Smith & Wesson 686 .357M, a larger handgun, with no problems whatsoever and a delighted smile on her face. It's stance, not brawn.

The most important determiner of how you can handle the recoil from a larger handgun is your stance. There are three shooting stances that are usually taught.

The Isosceles Stance

The Isosceles is the basic stance that most people will take instinctively -- thrusting the gun forward with both arms straight out, shoulders perpendicular to the target, and elbows locked. The arms and shoulders make an isosceles triangle, hence the name. This stance is the fastest to assume and does not depend on handedness and eye dominance, a crucial factor, if like myself, you are cross-dominant. (To be cross-dominant means that you are left-handed, and yet rely on your right eye to aim, or vice versa. It is more common to be left-handed and left-eyed, or right-handed and right-eyed, but it is not unheard of to be cross-dominant as well. And switching eye dominance is no simpler than switching hand dominance; if your brain is wired to rely on your right eye, there is little you can do to change this.) It is important not to merely thrust the gun forward and shoot, but to lean your entire upper body forward and curl your hips to flatten out the curve of your lower back. This allows for maximum recoil absorption, even with large caliber handguns, but I have found that it also results in a disconcertingly random-feeling bounce in the recoil that the last stance I will discuss cures handily.

The Weaver Stance

The Weaver stance seems odd at first, and can be tricky if you are cross-dominant, but it allows for excellent recoil control and reacquisition of the target in your sights. This means that, after the gun bounces up a bit from firing a round, it is much easier to align it with the target again very quickly. In Weaver, you are standing with the shoulder of your gun hand back a bit from the target and your dominant foot back a bit as well. You hold the gun toward the target with your upper body at a 45-degree angle to it, and bend both elbows. At first, this seems very unstable, but the secret to the Weaver is the isometric nature of the stance. When you grip the gun, push forward with your gun hand, and pull back with your other hand; this push-pull grip makes the gun bounce down from the recoil and end up right back on target! It also makes for extremely strong recoil control, and would allow even a small woman to handle a .38 easily.

It is very difficult to describe the Weaver stance in words, so please ask someone to demonstrate it to you before you try it. The most important part of the stance is the push-pull isometric grip, so as long as that is understood, the rest should come quite easily.

The Chapman or Modified Weaver Stance

The Chapman stance is related to the Weaver and may be a better alternative for most women. In this stance, the body is held identically to the Weaver (at a 45-degree angle to the target with the dominant hand and foot back), but the gun hand is locked out straight like a rifle stock. This reduces trembling, and allows me -- with a very weak upper body -- to shoot .357 Magnum rounds with no problems whatsoever, as long as I maintain the push-pull nature of the grip. (Truthfully, I can manage the recoil in Isosceles stance as well, but there is a disconcerting bounce to it that I don't like.) If you are cross-dominant as well, the Chapman may be easier for you since it allows you to lay your cheek across your arm and line up your right eye with a gun in your left hand, or vice versa. Again, proper use of these stances should allow a woman to shoot just about any round she desires.

Most people state that the Isosceles stance allows for greater recoil control, but I have found that the Chapman, with the rifle-stock gun arm, is far and away the best stance when shooting powerful rounds. The disconcerting random bounce from recoil is mostly eliminated, and doesn't make you feel as if the gun is trying to kick its way out of your hand, as with the Isosceles. Also, target reacquisition is a breeze.

Keep in mind, though, that all of this must be put into practice before you make a decision. Ask someone to demonstrate the stances to you.

Personal and Home Defense Handguns

So far I've talked about how the various types and sizes of handguns will influence your choice based on their mechanics and ergonomics. But the most important thing you're probably wondering is how these guns and ammunition will perform in a self-defense situation. "I know which one to choose based on how it fits in my hand, and how easy it is to manipulate, but how well will it stop an attacker?"

Bullet Cross-Sectional Area

It seems stupefyingly simple to say that bullets damage things, but there are actually a number of reasons why.

First, a mass that is moving very quickly carries energy with it -- kinetic energy is the strict term, the energy of an object associated with its motion. When a bullet is moving quickly, it has a great deal of kinetic energy. When it stops, it has none. (An object has to be moving to have this kind of energy associated with it.) So if a bullet is moving quickly upon entering an attacker, and comes to a stop inside of him, all of that energy is deposited into him, and that sudden "shock wave" caused by this deposition of energy does damage and can put an attacker out of the fight.

However beyond this, the single most important consideration in how well a bullet will stop an attacker is the size of the hole it makes in him. A larger hole is more likely to pierce something important, be it a bone or a soft organ, and put an attacker out of the fight.

For this reason, the larger calibers are often much more useful. Recall that a .22-caliber bullet is only a shade over a fifth of an inch across, whereas a .45-caliber bullet is almost a half-inch across. The .45 bullet will make a larger hole in an attacker, and is also much more likely to come to a stop inside his body, and not pass through. This way, it will also deliver its full "jolt" to an attacker, and also it will not pass through him to endanger a family member, friend, or prized possession behind him.

However, it isn't only bullet caliber that reflects the bullet's cross-sectional area! Remember the hollowpoints -- bullets that mushroom out into a flat shape when they hit a target? The diameter of a hollowpoint bullet that has been shot into a target (police test bullets on wet newpaper packs and "ballistic gelatin" -- industrial Knox, basically) is dramatically larger than it was before impacting the target. Some .45 caliber hollowpoints, starting out around half an inch across, can mushroom out to over an inch in diameter after they have hit their target.

Hence, hollowpoint bullets are very likely to accomplish the above two objectives of any bullet -- that it makes a large hole that will incapacitate an attacker, and that it comes to a stop inside of him, not endangering anyone or anything behind him.

Also, despite the fact that hollowpoint bullets seem gruesome, they are actually more humane for the attacker. If you were to use standard round-nosed ammunition, and an attacker were on drugs or simply maddened, it would take many, many rounds to put him down. (One story told by Ayoob in his book relates a violent criminal who took over 15 rounds of .22 ammunition and then had to be clubbed with the now-empty rifle before he stopped his attack!) Since he will therefore have many more holes in him, his chances of survival are dramatically decreased. However, if you can put him down with only two or three hollowpoint rounds, the better for him when he is in surgery. You only want to shoot someone until they no longer present a threat, and if you can also shoot him as few times as possible, of course that's far better, morally and legally.

Bullet Mass and Speed

Both of these considerations impact the amount of kinetic energy an object has -- its weight, and its speed (which depends on the amount of powder contained in the casing). A light object travelling quickly may have the same amount of kinetic energy as a larger object travelling more slowly. Often, it may have more, since kinetic energy increases more sharply with greater speed. (If you're reading this and feel motivated to "educate" me about physics or dynamics, please refrain from doing so. I've got an MS in physics and I've taught the subject at the university level, so I can guarantee you I know whereof I speak. So I'm not interested in having amateur know-it-alls mangle kinematics in an effort to "teach" me, or "impress the girl.")

So do we use a light, fast bullet or a slower, more massive one? The above considerations illuminate the proper choice.

While the amount of energy imparted to an attacker's body is a consideration in bullet and caliber choice, the size of the hole it makes is, as well. And plainly put, larger, more massive bullets make bigger holes. They are also more likely to come to a stop inside an attacker and thus deliver the full jolt of energy to him in the first place, as well as safeguarding any innocents who might be standing behind him.

As a result, the balance weighs more heavily on the side of slower, more massive bullets. A fast .22 will not be an optimum choice compared to a lower power .38.

What Not To Use

There are certain kinds of handguns and ammunition that you should avoid using for self-defense purposes. In general, you want to avoid overly small and also overly powerful ammunition for a number of reasons, with some exceptions.

This means that the .22 and .25 caliber rounds are out, unless you have a physical problem that prevents you from shooting anything more powerful. .22's are far too small, and .25's are far too weak! The latter is also regarded as a traditional "ladies' weapon," as well -- of course, the weakest of all handguns with the least stopping power is considered the ideal handgun for the most uniformly victimized segment of society. Bleah. Ignore the useless .25 caliber, along with any other weapon that is solemnly recommended to you based on your double X chromosomes. Your sex has nothing to do with the right handgun for you.

Other extremely powerful rounds (mostly very, very fast ones) should be avoided, such a .357M and .44M. They are very fun to shoot, and the .357 caliber handgun can be an excellent choice since it shoots .38's as well, but as a home defense caliber, these kinds of ammunition are poor. One of the things that people tend not to consider when they choose a handgun caliber for home defense is the noise that it makes when it is shot. When you are in your home at 2am, the noise from a Magnum round of any caliber may damage your hearing permanently. (Of course a .38 isn't going to be terribly quiet either, but the Magnum calibers are staggeringly loud.) When you may well have to call for police and an ambulance, it's not the time for a dull ear! Magnums also have a reputation for extreme penetration, and hence the increased amount of powder may well blow a bullet, even a hollowpoint, clear through an attacker to endanger an unthreatening person or prized possession behind him.

Your ideal choices for defensive handguns are, in order of increasing strength:

• the .380, usually an autoloader
• the 9mm, also an autoloader caliber, although there are some revolvers that can shoot this
• the .38, usually for revolvers; the .38 is my ideal choice
• the .45

If you are interested in shooting .38's, you may want to seriously consider purchasing a .357M revolver anyway. You can enjoy shooting two different kinds of ammunition out of it at the range, and load it with .38's for defensive purposes. The increased weight of the .357M handgun often makes shooting .38's a breeze since the heavier the handgun, the better it absorbs the recoil.

My Personal Choice

True Confessions time -- what's my own choice? A Ruger GP100 .357Magnum six-shot revolver with a 4" barrel.

Why? I'll outline it for you so you can see an example of one person's decision-making process.

I'm a resident of southern California, where the permits to carry a concealed weapon are almost as rare as blue diamonds. I'm not interested in concealability on my person, so a 4" barrel suits me fine. I was actually hoping to purchase one with a 6" barrel because I enjoy target shooting, and the extra 2" of barrel makes sighting easier. However, I decided to go for the 4" barrel, and it worked out well since it fits perfectly in my concealment spot in my place of residence.

I opted for the larger GP100 six-shot over the SP101 5-shot since my hands are larger and hence I have no concerns over finding a gun that fits my hand in the slightest. And shooting magnum caliber rounds out of a heavier frame makes the recoil more manageable.

I chose a .357M because this revolver can also shoot .38sp cartridges as well -- this isn't doing anything against the design of the gun; it's supposed to take .38's or .357's. This way, I can practice with a magnum caliber handgun (and they are fun to shoot) and still put .38's in it for defensive purposes. A .357M revolver essentially gives you two-for-one since you get a .357M and a .38 for the price of one handgun.

I chose a Ruger because, after shooting a friend's GP100, I loved the way it felt. It shoots fairly smoothly, has a nice even trigger pull, and is ergonomically compatible with my grip and stance. I also wanted to patronize Ruger since the president of the company is lefthanded, and hence his autoloaders are all designed as ambidextrously as possible. Some people dislike his politics since he sometimes supports some gun control measures, but I feel that the superiority of his product outweighs that.

I chose a revolver because I preferred the mechanical transparency of the device; revolvers are certainly complex, but can seem less so than autoloaders, and hence they make excellent choices for first handguns. They are simpler to operate, and are less likely to snap a nail! Even long acrylic or silk nails won't keep you from using your revolver, whereas they would get in the way with an autoloader. I also chose one since I am lefthanded, and autoloaders often eject the empty brass towards my head instead of away from me, as they would with a righthander.

Children and Handguns

Teaching About The Firearm

"Mommy, how does that work?"

At around the age of 4 or 5, they are starting to watch TV and learn the nonsense it teaches them about guns; at this age, they are also, however, usually too weak to work the action on a double-action revolver, or to pull the slide back on an autoloader. This is the time to start educating them. Teach them the difference between a loaded and an unloaded gun, and how to tell the two apart. Teach them the basics of safety -- to always assume a gun is loaded and therefore dangerous if it's not in the hands of someone who is educated.

Also, do NOT NOT NOT simply state, "Touch that gun and I'll tan your hide!" This tells the kid that the gun is off-limits and therefore irresistible, and it does not impart knowledge! A far better approach, and that used by the parents of the man who taught me to shoot, is to involve your kids in the gun cleaning, show them what it looks like and how it works (Distasteful? Wake up -- so is a white coffin), and tell them explicitly that they may look at the guns whenever they want -- not to play with them, but to learn about them -- as long as they have your supervision. They are not to take out or look at the guns alone. This approach imparts knowledge to offset the effects of TV, and removes some of that illicit veil from the devices. When the latest action hero holds one, it's a thrill -- when Mommy is taking it apart and explaining it, that illicit air is dissipated.

If Your Children See A Firearm

"Mommy, Janey showed me her parents' gun today."

There are four basic rules that you must teach your child if they should see a firearm. These rules are the following:

If your child should be in another playmate's home and that child should show them their parents' gun, your child should leave immediately. However (and this is a big point), your child should also not scream, "I'm TELLING!!!!" at the top of their lungs and run out. If the other child is not properly educated (and if they are waving around the family handgun to other kids, they aren't), they could pull the trigger.

And when your child arrives home and tells you what happened, you should call the other child's parents, not with the intention of ratting on the kid so he gets spanked, but instead to say, "This happened today. I think it's time to give the kids a gun safety talk together and take them to the range." Be cooperative and pleasant.

Demonstrating the Force of a Firearm

"Mommy, can I go shooting with you this weekend?"

And do take them to the range. Many kids (and a hell of a lot of adults) have a very skewed vision of what guns, especially handguns, are like and what they can do. On television, the hero shoots the bad guy once, he falls over, and that's it; guns are seen as delivering what Ayoob called a "sort of remote-control punch" -- bad, bad image as well as being entirely untruthful. You can show your child the truth even with a small .22 by bringing them to a range and showing them what the device is capable of doing. One woman interviewed in Paxton Quigley's Armed and Female stated that she preferred to use filled soda cans. Other people use fruit. (And -- always! -- ask the range director if you can do this before splattering atomized orange peel or Dr. Pepper all over their backstop!) At any rate, what you want to do is simulate the damage that a firearm can inflict on a person or property.

The filled soda can is wonderful for that -- do not use an empty. The terrible damage that a bullet inflicts on a body comes about because of the way the interior of the body -- the fluidy internal organs -- transmits the shock wave to the rest of the body. When you shoot at a hollow can, you just poke a hole in it. When you shoot at a filled one, the liquid inside transfers the jolt to the entire can and blows it to smithereens. This is what happens with a person -- and it's surprisingly violent with a filled soda can. It may shock you as well as your kids.

If you have male children, this is an especially important demonstration since little boys are just learning their roles as males in this culture (and some screwed up roles they are but that's a rant for another time) and handguns are linked arbitrarily but undeniably to masculinity. Even if a little boy is unsure of himself around guns, he may act macho because he thinks he should. Hearing the sound that the firearm makes and seeing the destruction on the other end of the range when the soda can is blown to confetti is a good way to make him lose his "macho," and set his mind to learning.

The Right Equipment for Maximum Child Safety

You can also help defuse the combination of handguns and little kids by the proper choice of handgun. An autoloader with a stiff slide is a fantastic choice since you can keep it loaded and ready within less than a second for you, but unusable by your youngster, who is too weak to cycle the slide.

Another wonderful option is called a Magna-Trigger conversion, available on Ruger and Smith & Wesson revolvers. (For additional information, send $3 for a brochure to Tarnhelm Supply Co., Inc. 431 High St., Boscawen, NH, 03303-3800, or call 603 796 2551. You can also check out their web page at http://www.tarnhelm.com/.) This is a special compltetely ambidextrous modification to your revolver which renders the gun unusable by anyone not wearing a special magnetic ring. Don't let the mumbo-jumbo fool you; this is an extremely reliable conversion. You can simply wear your ring to bed and around the house. If your child gets hold of the gun, they will not be able to do a thing with it, but the minute it's in your hand, it's live. (This is also true with robbers or muggers -- and another great reason to get a Magna-Trigger conversion even if you don't have kids. In the extremely unlikely event that an assailant is able to get your gun away from you, they can pull the trigger until Doomsday -- you're safe.)

Another modification called Magloc exists for semi-automatic handguns, but I have not operated it and hence can say nothing about it. More information can be found at http://www.smartlock.com/.

As far as rendering a gun inoperable in order to protect children from injury goes, almost all of the advice commonly found will work wonders for doing just this -- the combination or key lock through the frame, storing the ammunition out of reach or in a locked safe, and so on. The problem is that this will also render the gun useless for you in a pressure situation. I've already mentioned how very fine motor control goes to pot when you are hyped up on adrenaline, as you will be should someone break into your home. Are you really going to be able to fumble with that combination lock in anything remotely approaching enough time to use the gun to scare off that robber at 2am in dim light when you don't want to turn on the bedroom light in the first place because you don't want to let him know you're awake? Are you really totally confident in your ability to get the ammunition out of the downstairs hall closet without alerting that rapist prowling around down there when the gun is in the nightstand next to your bed?

Put simply -- hell, no! Rendering a gun inoperable without major contortions renders it totally useless. When a gun is needed, it is needed badly and immediately -- the only person you'll be stopping from using the gun is yourself, and that's the last thing you want if the chips are down. Get an autoloader with a slide too stiff for your child to cycle. Invest in a Magna-Trigger conversion if you have a revolver. Better yet, just plain old teach your kid about gun safety. The only weapon that can render a gun safe is the weapon of knowledge -- and you don't need a permit for that. As I've stated above, this may be distasteful to you -- teaching your child the ins and outs of death-dealing machines -- but in that case, you may be one of the rare parents who considers this more distasteful than going to a child's funeral, even your own. This is an extremely difficult subject, make no mistake. If a parent has lost a child to such a cataclysmic tragedy, the last thing anyone wants to be caught dead saying is, "You could have prevented it." But, and I am truly sorry if this offends anyone -- the far, far majority of these tragedies are preventable. An unpleasant truth, but it's a truth that saves lives, so it's worth the telling.

Racking an Autoloader's Slide

Most gun stores will automatically direct a woman toward revolvers, assuming that the supposedly weaker sex cannot handle the slide on an autoloader. While revolvers are fine machines, with reliability and mechanical transparency on their side, autoloaders are preferable for some reasons as well, and the stiffness of the slide should not be a consideration for anyone deciding on the right handgun.

Contrary to popular opinion, there is no reason why most women cannot rack the slide on an autoloader. Proper training, not brute strength, determines this. I myself have very weak arms -- bench pressing even 30lbs is a chore best not attempted for me -- but I can rack the slides even on the .45's I've handled.

It all comes down to the proper way to hold the handgun while you do it. When you pick up an autoloader with your dominant hand and grip the rear of the slide with your other hand, you have two hands on the gun -- use both of them in racking the slide. With your finger lined up along the trigger guard -- not on the trigger; you must never place your finger on the trigger until you are about to shoot -- push forward against the grip while holding it firmly at the same time you pull back on the slide. Do not simply attempt to pull the slide back. With this push-pull method of racking the slide, you cut the demands on the muscles of either arm in half. Since you have two hands on the gun, use them both! This is the proper way to rack the slide on an autoloader, and renders even the stiffest slide easily racked by most women.

If after practicing, you still find it difficult to rack the slide on your favorite autoloader, don't hesitate to bring it to an experienced gunsmith in your area to have the recoil spring replaced. Inserting a lighter spring will make the slide easier to pull back, but it may also increase the chance of a jam or stoppage. Stoppages on autoloaders are fairly easily cleared, but you may want to discuss it with someone knowledgeable before you decide to get it done. Most gun stores can point you in the right direction. Also, some autoloaders (Beretta makes a line of wonderful small-frame handguns like this, but sadly they are not convertable for lefthanders) have a special tip-up barrel that allows the user to chamber a round without having to pull back the slide. Many disabled handgun owners use these for personal and home defense, and they are ideal for people who are lacking the arm strength to rack an autoloader's slide.

Holsters For Women

A common complaint by most women interested in holsters is that the holsters are built in such a way that they cant the grip too far inwards, making it dig into the ribs and making drawing the gun extremely awkward. This comes about because most holsters are designed for men, whose hips and waist are far straighter. A woman's waist, however, is usually smaller than her hips by a significant fraction -- more so than with men, and this is true even for larger-sized women. Because of this, the grip of the gun will slant inward at the waist.

There are several holsters that attempt to correct this design flaw, but few are adequate for concealed carry except for the shoulder holster. As the author is a resident of southern California, with its excessively restrictive policies on CCW permits, I am inexperienced regarding the suitability of holsters for concealed carry and am likely to remain that way. If you know more than I, and you probably do, please don't hesitate to let me know via e-mail.

The most common way to correct this flaw in most holsters is to insert a wedge of plastic that pushes the holster out from the waist. This is usually what's done, and more information about this will be appearing here soon. Gunsite makes a marvelous holster that is beloved by the W&G staff that does just this.

However, Mitch Rosen Extraordinary Gun Leather manufactures a holster called the Ayoob Rear Guard that is beloved by women, and another called the "Nancy Special" (so named for his wife) that many women love. Both take various steps to insure that the bulk of the handgun is carried forward of the hipbone, and that the gun grip doesn't dig into the ribs.

Another option is a small-of-the-back holster, called an SOB holster, of course. :-) These holsters place the gun against the small of the back at the waist, and are reported to be extremely successful for concealed carry, though they would be uncomfortable with a revolver; SOB holsters are best suited for autoloaders. Also, they can be a problem for women in particular since, unlike men, we are often knocked to the ground in an attack. If you should land on your back when you are wearing an SOB, you could be in for a lot of pain -- not to mention having a hard time drawing your weapon. However, if you are vigilant while walking, you will be difficult to surprise, and the ergonomic advantages of an SOB holster might outweigh the possible problems.

Most of the SOB holsters angle the grip of the handgun down toward the floor, and many women find this a difficult position from which to draw a gun -- though I find it fine. Others that women seem to prefer angle the grip of the gun upward, essentially holding the gun upside down; with an SOB holster, drawing the gun then is similar to scratching your back near your spine. With the addition of a favorite sweatshirt or a roomy blazer with this sort of holster or the inside-the-waistband ones, concealment is simple, even for slim-waisted women who would have a terrible time with a hip or shoulder holster. The waistband of any pair of jeans, as well as most dockers and dress pants, is fine for holding up the holster of most medium sized handguns. If you have a magnum revolver with a 6" barrel, though, don't bother. Such a gun doesn't lend itself well to concealment, and if you desire something that you can carry concealed, you should purchase another handgun.

One thing you will want to watch out for if you are wearing any holster is clothing catching conspicuously on the grip or hammer of the handgun and advertising what you are trying to conceal. Often, this problem crops up when the gun in question has rubber grips, and using wooden ones can alleviate it. The second cause of this problem is often the hammer spur which sticks out and causes clothing to catch on it. Most gunsmiths will remove the spur if you ask, but this is tantamount to ensuring that you can only use your handgun in double-action mode. If you are carrying concealed, this is the best policy since it will cut down the likelihood of your startle-shooting someone, and if you are carrying in public, this is a serious consideration. In fact, it is often standard police procedure for officers who carry revolvers to remove the hammer spur for this reason, since it makes it much harder to put the gun in single-action mode. (If you decide to do this, your best option is to purchase a handgun without the spur from the manufacturer, or to find an experienced gunsmith to modify your handgun; don't go to a hack!) While catching on clothing is a problem for any holster, it is especially acute with SOB holsters since you don't see or feel that your sweatshirt is caught on your gun when it's behind you. Just making sure that it's not caught discreetly when you get up should present no problem, and -- like checking to make sure you're not tucked into your nylons -- it will soon turn into habit.

One minor problem that you will want to consider when thinking about holsters is the location of the gun on the body for more pedestrian reasons: guns are heavy, and carrying an asymmetrical weight around for a long time in a bad place can cause back pain. For this reason, I would never use a shoulder holster even if I were legal to carry since I have scoliosis and sciatica. In my case, an SOB or fanny-pack holster -- more on these in the holster purse section -- would be perfect -- carrying the weight close to my body and symmetrically placed. (I should say here, though, that many shoulder holsters include a magazine pouch on the opposite side as the handgun -- this improves matters an eensy bit, but carrying that weight in that fashion is just no good for your back.) This is an excellent reason to do away with ankle holsters completely! Strapping even an extra pound to both ankles much less doing so asymmetrically is enough to make most orthopedists and chiropractors blanch. As with other things that are personal, your opinions may vary when it comes to holsters, and again I am inexperienced when it comes to concealed carry.

Holster Purses and Fanny Packs

A holster purse is a purse that is specially designed to hold a handgun (of a variety of sizes) in a compartment separate from the ones into which your checkbook, car keys, etc. will be tossed. In a good quality holster purse, this compartment will be padded and reinforced to hold the heavy weight of your handgun discreetly and safely -- some models even contain a removable internal holster. The handgun is held securely, in the same position every time you insert it into the compartment, and separate from your stuff, so that you can go rooting around for that lighter without the slightest fear that you handgun will be revealed.

Rapid Access And Safety

The first problems with carrying a handgun in an ordinary purse are safety and access. If you simply drop the thing into one large compartment where your checkbook, hairbrush, lipstick, and Danielle Steele paperback are also swimming around, access to the weapon is impaired. You'll have to dig around quite a bit to get to the thing, and there's a good chance that that lighter or eyeliner pencil will be stuck through the trigger guard when you're doing so, increasing the chance of an accidental discharge. Simply put, you don't ever want to keep a handgun in any compartment that isn't specially designed for it. Tossing it in the big central pouch with your car keys, mascara, cellular phone, and hand mirror is a huge mistake. It will impair your ability to draw the thing quickly if you need to, and will be unsafe since there is a good chance that something in there will be resting on the trigger when you don't want it to be. Also, as the gun shifts around, you won't have a clue as to where it's pointed.

How Not To Flash Your Gun

Another problem that often doesn't occur to someone carrying until it crops up is that you'll often be forced to open the thing and flash your handgun to anyone who might be standing around you or looking over your shoulder. This is definitely a bad idea -- not only will it make those around you uncomfortable to know that you have a handgun in your purse (and it's pretty natural for most people to get the creeps around firearms), but you will also be letting anyone with pickpocketing or pursesnatching tendencies know exactly who they can hit if they want to get a free gun. If you are carrying in public, you must be ultra discreet. And throwing your handgun in your purse as if it were just a checkbook is not the way to insure discretion. You absolutely must use a holster purse that keeps the firearm in its own special, separate compartment apart from the other stuff you'll be carrying around.

Also, if the purse is made of lightweight, flimsy material and isn't that full, the weight of the handgun may well pull the fabric taut and silhouette the thing, making it plain to anyone who looks at you from a distance that you are "walking heavy."

Forgetting Your Purse

"Now, where did I leave that thing again?

Another problem crops up when each of us who carry a purse recalls the several times we've set it down in a restaurant and promptly walked away forgetting it, or set it down where unauthorized (and often very young) hands could get to it.

The concerns of leaving the thing behind when you walk out of a store or restaurant won't be changed by the type of purse you own, nor will the concerns of having adult or children's hands around when you take it off your shoulder and set it down. These issues will just take increased vigilance on your part. Absentmindedness could result in your handgun winding up int he hands of a thief or at the very least someone who has no idea how to handle it safely. You can get yourself to the point where you won't forget the purse; after a while, checking to see if you have it on you will become second nature, like checking to see that you have your car keys on you before you slam your trunk shut.

Pursesnatching

Pursesnatching is another consideration entirely, and the one over which you have the least control. Most people recommend that you carry your purse over one shoulder only, so that if someone does run up behind you and grab the strap, you will not be thrown to the ground. But (and keep in mind that this is my opinion only), if you have a handgun in there, you have got to be ready to take the risk of hitting the ground to keep that purse on your body. Wear it slung diagonally from one shoulder to the opposite hip always. And keep your hands on it, holding it close to your body. You don't need to clutch thing thing fearfully like it's a life preserver -- but just make sure it's not dangling out there swinging back and forth and bouncing on your hip.

And let's face it, if a pursesnatcher sees that, he's probably just going to give you up and go looking for easier prey anyhow. Making it more difficult for someone to steal from you is never a bad move. The advice that tells a woman to wear her purse on one shoulder only so that she won't be tossed to the ground if she is nailed by a thief always struck me funny anyhow -- why the hell are we being told how to make their damned job easier? *SOAPBOX ALERT* It reminds me of the crappy old advice that tells you not to resist if you're raped. With "advice" like that given solemnly to women, it's no damned wonder many criminals target us specially -- we're told all our lives how to cooperate with them and make their victimization of us easier! While you're at it, make sure that you don't lock your front door and that you do leave your keys in your car with the windows down as well. Heaven forbid someone should dent your doorknob while robbing your house or scratch the paint on your car door while stealing it. *rolls eyes*

So you've got to make sure that you are as poor a target for a pursesnatcher as you can be. Wear the thing diagonally.

Another way that some pursesnatchers go for their victims is to cut the strap of the purse when you are standing in a crowd, standing in a train, or in some other big, stationary mass of people. Many holster purses come with braided wire inside the strap that prevents this from happening, and it's worth the extra cost to get one that does. You'll want to make sure that you get one that's made of leather as well; demin won't cut it since after a lot of use the fabric might wear around the braided wire. Go for the leather or sturdy burlap purses.

A Holster Fanny Pack

Another excellent possible option is a holster fanny pack -- this solves the problem of run-and-grab pursesnatching as well as holding the thing closer to your midsection and hence more comfortably (your chiropractor will appreciate it, as will your spine). They are also more comfortable to leave on, so that also solves the problem of absentmindedly leaving it behind. Since these are purchased by men as well, their availability at gun shows and simple swap meets is greater (they are often sold under the name "law enforcement fanny pack" or "beltbag holster"), as is the availability of lefthanded ones. If I were able to carry concealed, I'd definitely opt for a fanny pack instead of a purse, but then I don't carry a purse anyhow. The only drawback, and it's not even a serious one, really, is that you can't carry larger firearms in them -- but if you are carry concealed, you'll want a .38 snubby or slim autoloader anyhow. Keep the fanny pack option in mind!

One drawback to fanny packs that applies to certain areas is that, depending on where you live, they can be very uncommon. Many readers of rec.guns live in areas where fanny packs scream "concealed carry." In southern California where I live, everyone wears the things, so a fanny pack would be the most unobtrusive means of carrying you could get.

Finding the Right Gun For Your Hand

Before I begin this section, I've got to warn the reader that I have large hands and as a result, finding smaller handguns simply is not an issue for me. My index finger rests too far up the trigger even on my .357 Magnum. Consequently, you may find better information elsewhere. Again, Women & Guns is your best resource as they routinely review handguns with this criterion in mind.

Many manufacturers are starting to recognize the increasing female market in handguns and are making some of their favorite models with smaller grips. The grip and how it fits your hand is crucial when purchasing a handgun, as it will affect your reaction in a pinch as well as your aim. If your finger does not rest easily on the trigger or if you feel you have to reach for it, DO NOT PURCHASE THE GUN. For a revolver, your finger should rest very easily on the trigger, close to but not butted up against the first joint and behind the fleshy pad at the tip. With an autoloader, the preferred grip is one in which the fleshy pad of your index finger rests just atop the trigger.

Pick up the gun and see and feel if it is the right size for your hand; don't automatically assume that you must get a smaller handgun if you are a woman. I have very large hands capable of palming soccer and volleyballs, and despite this, I am sometimes admonished to get a smaller frame handgun because I am female. My 5'2" friend handles a Ruger GP100 large frame revolver (a very large .357 with a 6" barrel) with no qualms and no problems at all. While women statistically have smaller hands than men, this is not always the case, and many men seem to think that a grown woman's hand is the size of a five year old's. Pick up the gun and see!

Many companies are now putting out handguns specially designed for customers with smaller hands. (Ruger makes a lovely revolver that is scaled down -- the SP101. This is the smaller companion to their standard GP100 large frame revolver; the GP100 is my own personal total fave-rave handgun! It's built like a tank, and shoots smooth as silk.) I've also heard good things about the Browning HiPower. There are others, but I am in the process of researching this right now and hope to have more information in the future. If you find a handgun you're interested in, write the company for more information. Most companies are more than willing to tell you about their products, and as I stated above, more are making products designed for users with smaller hands. And there are many special grips you can use to replace the factory grips the handgun came with that will reduce the reach from the rear of the grip to the trigger.

Flinching And What To Do About It

Inadequate ear protection

This is by far the easiest of all of the causes of flinching to cure. Guns are loud devices, especially at an indoor range, and if your ear protection isn't adequate, the sheer noise can make you nervous about pulling the trigger. There are a number of options for ear protection for the prudent shooter. And here I have to state that ear protection is an absolute requirement whether you are indoors or outdoors, whenever you use your gun. Of course, you can't stop to put on your muffs when you are protecting your home against a home invader, but in absolutely all other cases, using some form of hearing protection should be considered mandatory.

Foam Earplugs

The cheapest are the ubiquitous little foam cylinders that can be bought for pennies at most ranges. They are made of a very compressible kind of foam, and are about an inch long by a quarter inch wide. You roll the cylinder as thin as you can get it, then insert it into your ear canals. As the foam expands back to its original size, it fills the ear and blocks it.

I have to admit that I'm less than fond of these since they almost never stay in my right ear, for some bizarre reason. But for many people, they are ideal, and since they are cheap and do not put pressure on the jaw (a problem with muffs), they are often the best solution. Many outdoors stores that sell ammunition and firearm-related equipment have packs of these for sale by the gross, so they are certainly plentiful.

Ear Muffs

These are often more complicated than they sound -- from the simple foam cups on the metal headband to high-tech white noise suppressors that shield you from the sound of a handgun discharge while still permitting you to carry on normal conversation. Depending on the money you are willing to spend, you can go as low- or as high-tech as you wish.

One problem that I have had with the muffs in the past is that I also have a joint ailment that results in my jaw not seating quite properly. This condition, called TMJ, is actually rather common among many people. If your jaw does not seat properly when you wake up in the morning, or if pressure on your jaw where it joins your skull on either side causes migraines, then chances are you, like me, would not be a good candidate for muffs. The constant light pressure gives me headaches, and causes my jaw to lock, so that I must remove the muffs every few minutes or so to "click" it back into place. Plainly, this is not an ideal solution. But for many people who are not afflicted with TMJ, the muffs are the best thing going -- you do not have to insert anything into your ear, and if the foam cylinders do not stay seated properly, the muffs are an excellent solution.

My Own Solution

So, you ask (or maybe you don't, but we'll assume here that you're so captivated by my experiences with ear protection that you do), if the foam plugs don't stay in my right ear, and I can't wear the muffs, then what manner of ear protection do I use?

The answer is that it is a more homemade one that works beautifully for me, but since it is not manufactured, I cannot recommend it for anyone else but myself since there is no set of instructions for these kinds of plugs. The way that I make these do-it-yourself earplugs is to take a square of bathroom tissue and fold it into four square sections, and then fold it into a point, as in the following diagram:

I then wet the paper and roll it into a small blob from the point. This creates a perfectly shaped piece of moist material that I can wedge into my ear canal, and which I've found blocks sound much more completely and comfortably than the foam plugs or the muffs.

If you do decide to try this out, bring an approved set of foam plugs or muffs with you so that in case it does not work, you will have them to fall back on. I'm not interested in getting sued by someone who tries it, goes deaf, and then acts as if the ringing head they got when they shot their .44M wasn't a clear enough sign that they shouldn't rely on this method. (Sarcasm mode off.)

These must be removed and remoistened after an hour or so, just to make sure that they keep their tight seal.

Fighting the Recoil

At first, I did not realize that this would be a problem until it and its solution was mentioned to me by a coworker with whom I sometimes shoot at the range near my place of employment, wurzel keir. (His name doesn't come with upper-case letters. :-)) If you find that your shots tend to cluster low despite careful aim, this might be your problem.

A handgun, when discharged, will normally bounce up a bit in your hand from the recoil. This is normal. Of course, you want to make sure that you are gripping the handgun firmly so that it doesn't bounce clear out of your hands, and to make sure that you have a good mastery of the device, but there is nothing that will prevent this slight rotation of the gun and your wrist from occurring. It's okay -- there is no way of shooting whatsoever that will keep the gun completely rock-steady in your hand as it fires. Let it bounce up a bit.

If you fight this tendency of your wrist to rotate up, you will be subconsciously pushing down on the gun and will likely push your aim downward without realizing it.

If you still have problems with this, think of it this way -- by the time the barrel of the gun has bounced up slightly with discharge, the bullet is already away -- who cares if your wrist rotates 30 degrees or so at this point? Of course this sort of attitude makes more sense when discussing shooting for accuracy, but self-defense considerations are often more tactical than worrying over whether or not your wrist rotates after you shoot. There is no reason to maintain the gun completely unmoving, and your goal is not to prevent the thing from moving in the slightest when using it. Again, let it bounce up a little. You want to make sure that the bullet goes where you want it -- and you only want to keep the gun steady as much as you need to to accomplish this. Don't waste energy fighting the thing's natural mechanical tendency to recoil, when you will not have the strength to do so at any rate.

This can also make shooting less tiring for you since you are not expending energy and tensing your muscles fighting the handgun's natural recoil. Don't fight the gun -- just clear your mind, point, and shoot.

Anticipating the Shot

This can seem a bit odd to a new shooter, but it is something that cannot be overstressed -- do not anticipate the "break," the point during the trigger pull at which the hammer will fall and cause the gun to fire. This is a sure recipe for flinching since you are sitting there waiting . . . waiting . . waiting jeez when is this damn thing gonna--*BANG!*

The secret to good aim is to not think so much about when the bullet is going to leave the gun -- just concentrate on a good, smooth trigger pull (don't jerk back on the trigger by degrees and wait to see if the gun will fire yet) and let the gun discharge when it is ready. This way, you do not anticipate the "break," and you are not cringing waiting for the bang.

There is also a slightly more psychological reason not to anticipate the break -- when you do so, a good part of your thinking mind is taken up with just waiting for the gun to go off, and this is therefore a fraction of your mind that is not occupied with keeping the gun steady, concentrating on your aim, or getting a good "sight picture" (a good picture of your gun's sights against your target). Good aim with a handgun is composed of a number of things that are all best done without thinking, none of which are guessing when your handgun will fire as you squeeze the trigger.

Clear your mind. Concentrate instead on keeping a good solid grip, placing your hands properly, keeping good body posture, getting a good sight picture, and let the gun worry about the exact moment of discharge.

Being Intimidated by Your Handgun

If you aren't used to shooting or are a relative newcomer, one of the problems you may have run into is either being a bit intimidated by the handgun's discharge (loud, pushes you back a little, makes holes in things, etc.) and perhaps using the wrong caliber of handgun. The first is fairly common among women shooters since we have been raised to get squeamish around anything that has a Male Aura of Mystique[tm] around it, and the second may or may not be present.

The first, intimidation from shooting, can only be cured by knowledge and familiarity with the handgun -- a handgun is not inherently dangerous. It is the hand that holds it and the mind of the possessor of that hand that determines whether or not the gun is a danger to those around them through malice or negligence. Keep shooting, keep going to the range, and keep reading as much as you can about handguns. If you can, get together with some girlfriends and go shooting on a weeknight as a night out for you and them -- go to a good restaurant afterwards, or see a movie. Make it a pleasant social event. This can help you associate going to the range with pleasant things, and this will relax you when you go.

It's not a substitute penis, although some men think that, but hey -- most of those types of guys think the same thing about their computers! If Joe Sixpack thinks "penis" when he sees a handgun, then it's not the gun's fault. Joe Sixpack just has a little dick obsession. It's not Male Mystique. It's just a machine, and it's not even one that needs batteries or an electric cord! Anyone can learn to use it. Just keep practicing, keep reading, and let yourself enjoy your trips to the range. If you can't go to the range with a group of girlfriends, try hitting the Baskin-Robbins on the way back. Works great for me! :-)

The second problem -- using the wrong caliber of handgun -- often comes from unfamiliarity with handguns and with which ones are the best choice for you. Paxton Quigley, in her book Armed and Female, mentions that the first handgun she bought was one that was recommended to her by a sales clerk at a gun store, and while it was a fine machine, it was the wrong choice for her as a beginner. I'm more than willing to bet that it was too powerful although I don't know for sure.

When you are first starting out, if you aren't lucky enough as I was to know someone with access to a large number of firearms, you often don't have a chance to try out more than one kind of firearm to see which ones fit you best. And if you run into an overly macho sales clerk at the local gun store (a breed of irksome primate that I must confess I've only rarely encountered myself), you might get a gun sold to you that is far too powerful for you as a beginner. Thus, picking up a .357 Magnum and shooting .357M's out of it as the first gun you ever fire can leave you thinking, "Holy SH*T!"

For a beginner, good calibers are the

• .380 (for autoloaders), which isn't terribly powerful but is fair enough to get by, and often light enough not to make you cringe when you fire the thing;
• .38 (for revolvers), which are stronger, but the guns themselves are often heavier, and while a heavier gun seems to be the wrong choice for a beginner, it will often recoil less and seem a bit steadier in your hand (I've found that revolvers in general are better for this since they don't have a slide banging back and forth on the top of the gun);
• .357M shooting .38's -- I know, I said that starting out with a .357M was a bad idea. They are great guns when you shoot .38's out of them, though, particularly as a beginner. They are heavier than most .38's since they are built like tanks, and this can often make them feel steadier and recoil less in the novice's hand.

None of the above problems are automatically part of being a novice shooter. Often, they depend more on who first introduces you to shooting -- if you are unlucky enough to have a boyfriend or husband who thinks it's a laff-a-minute gas to make the little lady shoot his .44Magnum first time to scare the socks off of her, or if you run into a sales clerk who isn't up on the best choices for novices, you could wind up flinching more than usual. If, however, you start out with a thoughtful mentor who is interested in preparing you for shooting and encouraging you to improve, you might be able to shoot that .357M without worrying since you've been prepared for it properly. While shooting one is hardly the "singular act of courage" that Paxton Quigley calls it, it can be a bit much for the beginner.

This is the situation that I was in when I first started shooting -- the man who taught me the basics of shooting, Ron Moore, was very thorough and encouraging. He brought along a large variety of handguns the first time I went to the range with him and Cindy -- a .22 revolver, a 9mm autoloader -- his duty weapon of choice, a .357M revolver (I later purchased the same model for myself), and a .45 autoloader. After having shot the .22, I felt ready to work up to the larger calibers. The slide banging back and forth still jarred me a bit regards the two autoloaders (which makes the revolver the best choice for the novice), but at that point, I was inured enough to the recoil of the .22 and prepared by Ron's instruction that shooting the .357M was more like:

*ka-BAAAAAAM!* "Oh, I like this one!" *ka-BAAAAAAAAAM!*

Had Ron not brought several handguns with him so that I could get used to shooting with the smaller ones, and had he not prepared me for the recoil of the .357M, my reaction would likely have been far less positive. (And I should also add that I shot the .45 auto once and promptly put it right back down, so I still wasn't entirely used to the recoil of very powerful handguns. I'd like to try that .45 again someday, though.)

How To Tell If You Flinch

This isn't as obvious as it seems; when your hand gets pushed back a bit from the recoil of the gun, you may wonder how much of it was the gun, and how much was your flinch. And even if you don't think you flinch, you may be surprised to find that you do.

Happily, there is a very quick, easy way to test whether or not you're flinching. This was how Ron tested me, and I've gotten several e-mails from people who have said that this technique worked well for them as well. You must use a revolver to test yourself in this fashion.

Go to the range with a friend, and have them load your revolver -- but not in each chamber! Out of six chambers, only put two or three rounds in, and put them in at random -- not empty/round/empty/round/empty/round. Then, have them hand you the revolver, and just pick it up, aim it carefully, and pull the trigger. Sometimes gun will discharge -- and sometimes it will just click harmlessly as the hammer falls on an empty chamber.

The secret lies in the fact that you won't know which is which (don't peek). And if you aren't sure, and pull that trigger, and your hand jerks back when nothing comes out of the muzzle, then you know you have a flinching problem.

Again, this can seem a lot more obvious than it is -- there are several times when I've seen shooters who would swear up and down that they aren't flinching learn otherwise when they jerk backwards or blink on an empty chamber. This was also how I learned that I do not normally flinch for some odd reason. And once you learn that you have the problem, then you can start considering what to do about it.

In summary:

• Use proper ear protection so you aren't cringing in anticipation of the ringing in your head. This is not an option.
• Let your wrist rotate up a bit -- don't fight the gun.
• Just concentrate on smoothness and keeping a nice sight picture, and let the gun worry about the precise moment of discharge.
• Choose the right caliber -- avoid shooting very powerful cartridges at first until you feel more confident or have had a good teacher who can prepare you well.

The Will To Defend Yourself

This is often the hardest thing to discuss, especially with a woman who has survived abuse. Very frequently, we catch ourselves thinking:

• "I can't do anything to protect myself, I just can't. The best I can hope for is for no one to hurt me again."
• "I just froze up when it was happening, and I never forgave myself for that. I'll just freeze up again; it's no use learning how to fire a gun."
• "I'm just not violent. I can't do anything violent, or participate in violence."
• "I'm still so angry at what happened to me that I don't trust myself with a gun."

There are a number of issues at work within these mindsets that I'd like to address for any woman reading this site who doubts her ability to truly defend herself.

I don't want to make it seem as if any woman can or should own a firearm, either. It's an intensely personal decision, and it's not right for everyone. But what I'm about to say goes not only for the decision to own a firearm, but for the decision to use pepper spray, or to take an Impact or Model Mugging course as well. I'm not addressing the firearm in this section, but the woman.

Born A Victim or Born With Courage?

So much of the world is aimed at convincing us, be it through abuse or through indoctrination, that women and girls don't ever fight back, or that we "ask for it" when we are victimized. It turns the process of learning otherwise, of deprogramming ourselves, into a constant struggle. Failing that, it can make the process of learning how to defend ourselves seem like an unattainable goal, something we'll never achieve.

I know it's hard to believe when it's happened to you -- believe me, I know -- but you can learn to defend yourself. These attitudes can make discussing self-defense options with women difficult -- many women assume that a woman who defends herself was "born" with courage and is "naturally" capable of it. Nothing could be further from the truth.

The truth is that knowing that you are worth defending, that you have the right to not be victimized and the right to be outraged if you are, is like being a sober alcoholic. Every day, you have to remind yourself that you are worth it. Every day, you need to let yourself know that you are loved, and that you deserve safety and peace. Every woman who has ever worked to defend herself -- those instructors you see at the Impact classes or women such as myself who educate others about self defense options -- all of us had to get through that mindset. Many of us are survivors of various forms of mental, physical, or sexual abuse. All of us fight every day to retain our self-respect in a world that tells us that fighting back decisively against a man who means to rape or kill us isn't "nice." Many of us froze when we were attacked. Many of us are still dealing with these issues in our hearts. Please don't think that just because we are involved with self-defense for women that we are unattainably lofty gurus, or that you are not capable of learning and promoting precisely what we are learning. We are women, just like you, who have fought those awful battles against the voices inside our heads that keep us afraid and ineffectual. We are still fighting them -- and you can fight them, too. And win. You really, really can.

This can make the process of self-defense seem like an eternal struggle, and in ways, it is a struggle. But the alternative is to live every day, as far too many of us do, thinking that we are natural victims, that we can never defend ourselves, that we are weak and helpless. Paradoxically, that is more tiring and wearying than engaging in the struggle to learn to love yourself. Learning that you are worth defending is a hard battle -- but it's the only battle I've ever fought that left me more energized than not fighting it.

And it's a battle you can learn to fight, too -- and one you can win, every day of your life. It's not a daily battle -- it's a daily victory.

Anger And Where It's Directed

A lot of women who have survived abuse or have been made to feel vulnerable, afraid, or endangered by daily life are angry -- that's no surprise. What may seem surprising, even for those of us who feel it, is where this anger is directed.

I've met a lot of women who doubt their ability to exercise restraint when it comes to self-defense because we are still so very angry at what happened to us in the past. But in very many instances, that anger isn't directed at the people who abused us -- it's directed back at ourselves.

We're angry at ourselves for not fighting back. We're angry at ourselves for "asking for it," or for "wearing that short skirt." We're angry at ourselves because we felt frightened, because we froze, or because we didn't know what to do.

In short, we're not angry at our abusers -- we're angry at ourselves because we couldn't defend ourselves. Learning to use a self-defense technique, be it physical methods, pepper spray, or a firearm, can help you get a grip on that anger. No longer will you have to be angry or hate or despise yourself because you froze up, or didn't know what to do. You have options.

I'm not about to say that learning a self-defense technique will make you proof against any assault or abuse. But it will lessen that fear that comes from not knowing what to do. Instead of feeling backed into a corner, you can look around you and make plans, analyze your situation. Being able to defend yourself doesn't make your anger more dangerous -- it makes it much more manageable since you no longer feel so dreadfully angry at yourself for being "weak" or "cowardly." (Of course, even when we were abused, we were none of these things -- we simply weren't aware of our options.)

Violence Is Not Always Violence

This is going to be short -- would you defend your child if they were in danger?

You are probably nodding up and down -- of course you would. Why?

Not because you are violent, but because you don't like violence -- you don't want your child to be a victim of violence.

That same reasoning applies to you -- we are all someone's child, and we all deserve peace and safety. Learning to defend yourself isn't the same as promoting violence. Being unable to defend yourself and being attacked, bloodied, raped, or sent to a hospital -- or any of the above -- because of it isn't exactly a nonviolent option!

A surgeon isn't the same as a knifewielding streetfighter because he has a knife as well. One hurts -- one heals.

If you are a victim of violent crime, you have in a way, participated in violence. This isn't to say that you "brought it on yourself" by any means. But violence against you is a bad thing! "Just" because it's you doesn't make it any less serious! Violence aimed at you is still violence, and it is still unacceptable. You have the absolute right to be outraged over it, and take reasonable steps to make sure that it doesn't happen.