Below, find this week's schedule of reruns of Saturday Night Live, along with episode summaries taken from the SNL Episode Guide, which is available at SATURDAY NET (http://www.prismnet.com/~serpas/snl.html). To subscribe or unsubscribe, visit: http://mailman.prismnet.com/mailman/listinfo/snlreruns/ ~~~ The NBC episode for this Saturday night (18-May-13) is the season finale: 12u Ben Affleck / Kanye West Earlier that night at 10pm, NBC will air a 60-minute version of: 12t KRW / Vampire Weekend ~~ The following clip shows & 60-minute versions of episodes will air on VH1 & VH1 Classic; all times EDT: Sa 18-May-13 VH1 2:00pm 99m Ben Affleck / Fiona Apple VH1 3:05pm 03o Ben Affleck / N.E.R.D. VH1 4:10pm 04a Ben Affleck / Nelly VH1 5:15pm 08g Ben Affleck / David Cook Su 19-May-13 VH1 10:00am 99m Ben Affleck / Fiona Apple VH1 11:05am 03o Ben Affleck / N.E.R.D. VH1 12:10pm 04a Ben Affleck / Nelly VH1 1:15pm 08g Ben Affleck / David Cook Mo 20-May-13 VHC 7:00pm 00g Val Kilmer / U2 Tu 21-May-13 VHC 2:00pm 00g Val Kilmer / U2 VHC 7:00pm 05q Tom Hanks / Red Hot Chili Peppers We 22-May-13 VHC 2:00pm 05q Tom Hanks / Red Hot Chili Peppers VH1 5:40pm 03b Justin Timberlake VH1 6:45pm 06i Justin Timberlake VHC 7:00pm 08s Seth Rogen / Phoenix VH1 7:50pm 08u Justin Timberlake / Ciara VH1 8:55pm 10v Justin Timberlake / Lady Gaga VH1 3:00am 06i Justin Timberlake Th 23-May-13 VH1 11:00am 03b Justin Timberlake VH1 12:05pm 08u Justin Timberlake / Ciara VH1 1:10pm 10v Justin Timberlake / Lady Gaga VHC 2:00pm 08s Seth Rogen / Phoenix VHC 7:00pm 08j John Malkovich / T.I. Fr 24-May-13 VHC 2:00pm 08j John Malkovich / T.I. For the key to the three-letter castcodes used in the episode summaries, see the Castmember Timeline at SATURDAY NET. ******************************************************************************* 99m Ben Affleck / Fiona Apple ............................................................................... cold: Nightline- Peanuts characters mourn the passing of Charles Schulz mono: Gwyneth Paltrow [real] comes on-stage & steals spotlight from host COMM Victoria's Secret- Marisa's boobs ask "what is desire" misc going to commercial, G.E. Smith [real] plays guitar skit: host pretends to be Matt Damon in order to get close to Mango skit Donny Bartolotti's (host) attentions toward Denise make Sully jealous TOON: "The All New Adventures of Mr. T" by RBS- Ibsen play is a chance to work show Fretts Film Forum- small-town movie reviewers offer clever quotables SHOW FANatic- obsessive (host) wants Anna Nicole Smith (MOS) to be his mom news: George W. Bush (WIF), John McCain (CHP), Alan Keyes (TIM) speechify song: musical guest performs "Limp" skit: salesman (host) is embroiled in Zimmermans' sexy search for a used car skit: Sally O'Malley barges in on a police academy exercise training session COMM Trilocaine treats your dandruff & induces horrific hallucinations show Who Wants To Be Groped By An Eleven Thousand-Aire?- (host) paws (CHK) ******************************************************************************* 00g Val Kilmer / U2 ............................................................................... cold: Al Gore (DAH) seeks election redress via personal injury lawyer (CHK) mono: host gets the It's A Wonderful Life treatment from angel Clarence (DAH) COMM attorney Wade Blasingame (WIF) sues dogs that do what comes naturally show: Behind The Music- in Heaven, Jim Morrison (host) forms a supergroup show: Palm Beach- psephologic drama swamps George W. Bush (WIF) & Al Gore (DAH) show Veronica (MOS) & Co.- supermodel leads unfocussed panel discussion song: musical guest performs "Beautiful Day" news: I Have An Opinion- JIF is proud to say "I like election turmoil" news: lyrical rhetoric carries Jesse Jackson (DAH) & Al Sharpton (JEM) away skit easily-excited commercial jet pilot Iceman (host) is living in the past misc going to commercial, Maceo Parker [real] plays saxophone misc: HOS, CHK, TRM, JIF perform a happy Christmas ditty song musical guest performs "Elevation" skit: Margaret Healey finds a kindred spirit in accent-loving blind date (host) skit horn-playing brothers (CHP) & (WIF) do Burt Bacharach (host) session-work COMM Corn Chip Nail Tips {rerun} ******************************************************************************* 03b Justin Timberlake ............................................................................... cold: Hardball- GOP apologists Karl Rove (JER) & Ann Coulter (AMP) on CIA leak mono: host doesn't feel right serenading a teeny-bopper's dad (Steve Higgins) song: host performs "Rock Your Body" comm: Punk'd Barely Legal- extreme Ashton Kutcher (host) pranks compiled on DVD skit in-over-his-head governor-elect Arnold Schwarzenegger (DAH) resigns misc Nick Lachey (JIF) & Jessica Simpson (host) fail to dispel her ditzy image skit: singing & dancing mascot (host) overshadows rival breakfast hawker (CHP) COMM: Gary Busey (JER) preempts DIRECTV fan letter to praise booby channels skit: Sully, Denise, her brother (host) misbehave in a swanky restaurant song: host performs "Senorita" news: TIF reciprocates privacy invasion of Kobe Bryant's lawyer Pamela Mackey show The Sharon Osbourne (AMP) Show- shorn Michael Bolton (host) sings misc: host & Kermit's Muppeteer (WLF) brawl during "Rainbow Connection" duet misc Carl Weathers [real] aims to become third governor from cast of Predator misc AMP comes on to decade-younger host during rehearsal in dressing room song host performs "Cry Me A River" show: The Barry Gibb (JIF) Talk Show- California politics & fulsome falsetto ******************************************************************************* 03o Ben Affleck / N.E.R.D. ............................................................................... cold: Sully & Denise attend Donny Bartolotti's same-sex marriage ceremony mono: having missed out on marketing "Bennifer," host won't get burned again skit: Joey Mack is reunited with his character-stealing former partner (host) skit: mentally-challenged (FRA) points out Gigli faults to host during filming TOON: by RBS- The Passion Of The Dumpty excerpts & George W. Bush campaign ads skit Appalachian Emergency Room- yokels suffer additional unusual ailments COMM Only Bangkok- (SEM) is glad "what happens in Thailand, stays in Thailand" song: musical guest performs "She Wants To Move" news FIM responds in kind to nasty letters written by bill collectors news: Diana Ross (MAR) will again try to serve 48 consecutive hours in jail news: George W. Bush & John Kerry volleys leave Bill Clinton (DAH) unimpressed show Top O' The Morning- Patrick & William remember St. Patrick's Days past COMM Only Bangkok- to pay off a gambling debt, host sells new wife (AMP) show Donnie G. (host) & Sidecar (FRA)- cycle cop puts partner in harm's way COMM Only Bangkok- scandal-quashing Thailand spares host & Kelly Ripa [real] song musical guest performs "Maybe" skit serial killer's (host) co-workers have fun with his ill-kept secret ******************************************************************************* 04a Ben Affleck / Nelly ............................................................................... cold: first George W. Bush (WLF) vs. John Kerry (SEM) debate covers Iraq policy mono: Alec Baldwin [real] warns host against stealing his moves COMM: Dr. Porkenheimer's Boner Juice emphatically reverses erectile dysfunction skit Debbie Downer kills the festive mood at (host)'s birthday party COMM Swift Boat Veterans expand their list of John Kerry's deficiencies skit: James Carville (host) wants John Kerry (SEM) to go on the offensive song: musical guest & Jaheim [real] perform "My Place" news: New Jerseyan Tony Soprano (James Gandolfini) on Jim McGreevey resignation news host points out hypocrisy of Matt Damon's call for integrity in acting news: Elton John's (HOS) songs fail to make amends for his behavior in Taiwan skit: stalled mall escalator proves disastrous for overly dramatic shoppers skit obnoxious deejay's (host) inappropriate tunes derail a wedding reception song musical guest performs "Na-Nana-Na" FILM by Alison Jackson- a dramatization of Bush substance abuse at Camp David ******************************************************************************* 05q Tom Hanks / Red Hot Chili Peppers ............................................................................... cold: Bill Frist (host) sells his new gas rebate plan to George W. Bush (WLF) mono: host takes Da Vinci Code questions from religious figures in the audience show Wheel Of Fortune- dumb contestants (AMP), (FRA), (KRW) can't solve puzzle skit Kaitlin's enthusiasm about taking care of (host)'s iguana levels off FILM: in their early '90s music video, (host) & (ANS) fear for their testicles skit: while in a theme park line, (host) & (FRA) yell at their lost ma (RAD) song: musical guest performs "Dani California" news TIF asks Rosie O'Donnell (HOS) about joining Star Jones on The View news: Patrick & Gunther Kelly debate the immigration controversy with a song skit: in a yoga class, (RAD) is unhappily partnered with sweaty & gross (host) show: Colin Powell (KET) fields State Department overtures a la Fred Sanford song musical guest performs "Give It Away" skit tennis players have one (host), two (WLF), three (CHP), seven (BIH) arms ******************************************************************************* 06i Justin Timberlake ............................................................................... cold: St. Nicholas-smitten (AMP), (KRW), (MAR) sing "Santa's My Boyfriend" mono: host, Alvin (BIH), Simon (FRA), Theodore (ANS) sing "The Chipmunk Song" skit: singing & dancing mascot & Salvation Army Santa (WLF) compete for change skit: Target clerk & stock boy (host) exasperate holiday shoppers (MAR) & (WLF) FILM: "Dick In A Box"- (host) & (ANS) sing about giving a phallic present show: The Barry Gibb (JIF) Talk Show- Jimmy Carter (DAH) & others discuss Iraq show: Dry Eyes- game show contestants (host) & (FRA) try to keep from crying misc: Cameron Diaz [real] introduces host song: host performs "My Love" news Lou Dobbs (DAH) wants two walls & a trap door built along Mexican border news: New Jerseyite same-sex couple's Christmas wishes have been fulfilled show Hip Hop Kids- beats & dance moves harm chances of escape from mineshaft skit (host)'s stepmom Virginiaca tries helping her audition to be a Macy's elf misc Nancy Grace (AMP) is sympathetic to those making false rape accusations misc JIF introduces host song host performs "What Goes Around" ******************************************************************************* 08g Ben Affleck / David Cook ............................................................................... cold: John & Cindy McCain [real] sell merchandise on QVC with Sarah Palin (TIF) COMM Jar Glove {rerun} show: The View- Elisabeth Hasselbeck (KRW) & Alec Baldwin (host) argue politics show Countdown With Keith Olbermann (host)- egoism flavors indignant hyperbole skit: UPS driver (host) wants to get romantically involved with Target clerk FILM: "Giraffes!!"- follow-up to "Sloths!!" is equally zoologically inaccurate song: musical guest performs "Light On" news: John McCain [real] presents his last-ditch campaign strategy options news: Patrick & Gunther Kelly explicate voting machine issues with a song news: Aunt Linda has negative reactions to new television season's offerings comm Night School Musical- middle-aged students sing about adult concerns comm: Grady Wilson's (KET) sex DVD aims to Put The Fire Back In Your Marriage skit: (host)'s queer brother Stefon (BIH) puts homoerotic spin on a movie pitch song musical guest performs "Declaration" comm Bierhoff Brothers' (FRA) & (host) coat for German tourists is overdone ******************************************************************************* 08j John Malkovich / T.I. ............................................................................... cold Hillary Clinton (AMP) puts a positive spin on becoming Secretary Of State mono host spoils the mood while reading The Night Before Christmas to children COMM Gas Right- (FRA) silences farts by applying Breathe Right concept to butt skit off-putting traits of mostly-sexy Shana (KRW) disenchant her co-workers MISC unretributive Barack Obama (FRA) keeps it cool regarding political rivals show La Rivista Della Televisione- Vinny Vedecci & son (BOM) interview host COMM Virgania Horsen's Pony Express is an equine-based custom delivery service skit getting a calculator for Christmas fulfills twins' (FRA) & (host) wishes song musical guest performs "Whatever You Like" news wounded Plaxico Burress (KET) fails to heed his own gun ownership tips news Boy George (FRA) sees nothing wrong with his treatment of gay prostitutes news 9 year-old (ANS) offers manipulative & cynical advice on talking to girls skit preteen Gertie (host) undergoes unnatural body changes in Judy Blume book FILM "Jizz In My Pants"- (ANS) & (Jorma Taccone) are premature ejaculators song musical guest performs "Swing Ya Rag" comm host reprises Dangerous Liaisons role in an onstage hot tub in J'accuzzi ******************************************************************************* 08s Seth Rogen / Phoenix ............................................................................... cold: Barack Obama (FRA) passes judgement on product category winners & losers mono: audience members prefer Paul Blart, Mall Cop & pre-weightloss host COMM: The Fast & The Bi-Curious- rival drivers (host) & (ANS) exude gayness skit Dick Tracy (JAS) & other funny pages denizens want to save newspapers show: La Rivista Della Televisione- Vinny Vedecci thinks host is a Bear Man FILM "Like A Boss"- insecure bigshot ANS describes his supervisory doings skit: (ANS), (BIH), (host) employ funny voices when talking on their cellphones song: musical guest performs "Lisztomania" news: SEM critiques the gift exchange between Barack Obama & Queen Elizabeth news bargaining Rod Blagojevich (JAS) wants to be an undercover governor news: Barack Obama's visit to Europe has inspired some Jean K. Jean riffs news: Angelina Jolie (ABE) outmaneuvers fellow baby-seeker Madonna (KRW) skit (host)'s dub of Grease soundtrack onto corporate CD has co-workers fuming show Milestone High- (ANS)'s tutoring fails because dumb (host) is not a jock comm songs address spaceships, toddlers, Model T cars, jars of beer, Easter song musical guest performs "1901" skit: Nipsey Russell (KET) stops Muppets in Electric Mayhem bus for hit & run misc: at closing, musical guest performs "Too Young" ******************************************************************************* 08u Justin Timberlake / Ciara ............................................................................... cold: Timothy Geithner (WLF) reviews banks' cavalier answers to stress test mono: having done SNL thrice, singing host knows his way around backstage COMM: Mom-Celebrity Translator deciphers stars' names mangled by mothers skit: Target clerk's accident-prone friend Peg (host) is excited about a date skit: host's immigrant great-great-grandpa Cornelius (host) proves prescient FILM: "Motherlover"- (Susan Sarandon) & (Patricia Clarkson) get Dick In A Box skit singing & dancing mascot supplants the promoter of a health club (WLF) misc: Jessica Biel [real] introduces musical guest song: musical guest & host perform "Love Sex Magic" news: David Paterson (FRA) & Eliot Spitzer (BIH) consider their prospects news: Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Leonard Nimoy [real] defend the new Star Trek show The Barry Gibb (JIF) Talk Show- Nancy Pelosi (KRW) discusses the economy skit shipping mixup arms Disney actors for a Pirates Of The Caribbean show song musical guest performs "Never Ever" ******************************************************************************* 10v Justin Timberlake / Lady Gaga ............................................................................... cold: in jail, (KET) & (JAP) mull Euro zone with Dominique Strauss-Kahn (TAK) mono: host's actions don't match the lyrics of "I'm Not Gonna Sing Tonight" skit: singing & dancing mascot & co-worker (musical guest) battle tea bag (KRW) show: over-the-hill Herb Welch fails to report on junior high gas leak story FILM: "3-Way"- (musical guest)'s presence negates Dick In A Box hook-up gayness song: musical guest performs "The Edge Of Glory" & "Judas" news: incredulous SEM says "Really!?!" to Arnold Schwarzenegger's affair news: Nicolas Cage (ANS) eyes Bradley Cooper's [real] The Hangover Part II role news: as SNL's season draws to a close, SEM & Stefon head for the beach show What's That Name?- unlike host, musical guest remembers the little people skit: (host) & fellow Merryville animatrons steal (NAP) from boyfriend (JAS) show Secret Word- Mindy Grayson & magician (host) don't help contestants song musical guest performs "Born This Way" show The Barry Gibb (JIF) Talk Show- debt discussion leads to defibrillation ******************************************************************************* Frank Serpas III serpas@prismnet.com ............................................................................... it's SATURDAY NET- http://www.prismnet.com/~serpas/snl.html