Power Tools for Technical Communication:
E-mail Revision



In this lab, you revise a rather badly written e-mail:
  1. Copy the text below this box, and paste it into your preferred word-processing software.
  2. Study the text carefully, looking particularly for wordiness, and only after you've tightened up and focused the text, revise for speeling, punctuation, and usage problems.
  3. Imitate the e-mail format with DATE:, TO:, FROM:, and SUBJ.: lines at the top of this revison.
  4. Either show your instructor your completed work; or put your name, -Mail Revision, and the date on this document, and print it out for your instructor.


Greetings. My name is Estepphi Hintze. I'm in the employ of the Technical Publications Department of a software development company called E-TERNA, located in Octogen, Mississippi. After some amount of time searching on the World Wide Web over the past few days, I happened to find your company.

Our Company is in the midst of the development and production of an application that provides the Service Provider with an environment that enables them to conduct the management of their networks with little effort out of the box. Over-Sight 360 can also be expanded, enhanced and modifed to support the highly unique needs of the the various individual, specific network and operating enviroments that exist out there in today's rapidly changing marketplace. Over-Sight 360 provides off the shelf, ready to use monitoring and topological display applications and components, as well as a full suite of programer tools and interfaces to facilitate and otherwise enable custom development.

I am writing you at the present moment in view of the fact that our dept. is in search of a firm to engage in the production of a Developers Guide. This will be a document that will provide software engineers and programmers with the capability to re-direct our software for their company's own specific uses. This will be a high level technical document considering the very real fact that our applications are programmed and written in C, C++, and Java. We have the expection that the writers working on this project will be thoroughly familar and apprised with writing programmatic code in these various formats.

In the eventuality that executive officers and management personnel at your company might have some interest in this type of work please get back to me. That being the case, we would then make arrangements to consult via a telephone conference, where representatives from your company could ascertain our needs and requirements, and representatives from our company could determine your expertise and capabilities.

Otherwise, if you perchance have knowledge of some other company that might better undertake the development of this project I would be exceedingly greatful for your referal.

Thank you,

Estepphi Hintze
E-TERNA
2501 63rd Avenue East
Octogen, Mississippi 43211
Tel: 000-000-0000, Extension 0000
estepphi@e-terna.com


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