As Yet Unreclaimed

A few years ago there was a big flurry as "queer" was reclaimed for the benefit of non-conformist homosexuals everywhere. Around that early-90s time, other words flipped from slur to proudly carried label -- dyke, pervert, even fag.

But there's still plenty of derogatory terms that have yet to be used as terms of self-description (much less incorporated into the increasingly unwieldy acronyms of G-L-B-T-Q organizations.)

Here's a few suggestions for the adventuresome, those who have outgrown their old labels (I know I've discarded my fair share.)

Fudgepacker -- this rather childish description is obviously derived from an unimaginative heterosexual stereotype of buttfucking homosexuals. But I can see it emblazoned on the awning of a homosexual-owned chocolatier. "Cocksucker" has the implication that only the one doing the sucking is necessarily homosexual, while "fudgepacker" seems aimed more at the so-called active participant in anal sex -- one doesn't hear "cocksuckee" and "fudgepackee" yelled from the windows of Cameros.

Pillowbiter -- this quaint (and rarely-heard) term is yet another reference to anal sex, this time less ambiguously referring to the passive partner, whose face is supposedly embedded in a pillow while his posterior is upwards. This term sounds like it would make a swell band name, as it appears it already has.

Turd-burglar -- Yet another term related to anal sex, though what bizarre form of it this relates to, I cannot tell. The fertile imaginations of heterosexuals! One imagines a homosexual stealthily creeping in the window to perform a more intimate version of home invasion on sleeping, unsuspecting, non-consenting victims. This term of cophrolarceny (to coin a latinism) must have potential for reclamation. Perhaps after being sued by the Future Farmers of America, a fist-fucking group could claim the sobriquet as their new name.

Naturally, any of these labels can be conveniently silkscreened on that ultimate resource of cultural identity, the t-shirt. March proudly down the street bearing the new self-inflicted scarlet letters spelling out "fudgepacker," "pillowbiter," or "turd-burglar"!


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