Modern Divas

Looking back upon the modern history of homosexualty, the figure of the diva looms. Barbra, Judy, Aretha. Many think that in our more modern age that the diva is obsolete. But there are still divas of modern rock, and there are gay men who idolize them. The diva is a projection by the gay man of his own characteristics on the image of a woman. The diva is drag he can put on by sliding a CD into a machine. This is a field guide not to the divas, but to the men who are their fans.

You may encounter in your romantic journeys men, queens really, who are fanatics of these various divas. By their idols shall you know them. And be forearmed.

Beware the Courtney Love queen. Is he just twitchy, or is he tweaking? When he's in the bathroom, hide your wallet. He's probably drinking your cough syrup.

The Bjork queen is a little faerie prince, fey and sprightly - or so he would have you think. He doesn't want to know that he's not from a volcanic island, but rather Nebraska.

The Nico queen feels that goths just don't understand the concept of doom. You will catch echoes in his voice of the nordic wasteland. Sometimes he will laugh a hollow laugh - "Ho ho ho ho" - as though from inside the helmet of a suit of armour.

The Elizabeth Fraser queen is spooky at first, then beatiful but incomprehensible. But by the end of the relationship, you can understand him perfectly, and he's calling you toxic.

The Kathleen Hanna queen has a star tattooed on his belly. But he's no different from the rest.

The Yoko queen knows that John was the untalented one. He will have you participate in pieces from Grapefruit, like having you cut his clothes off of him.

The Diamanda queen is drama itself. Correct playback possible at maximum volume only.

The P. J. Harvey queen's cries of "lick my legs, I'm on fire" can get a little tiresome, although the novelty phase is enticing. But he's liable to go all gothy on you.

I hope I can correctly assume that the readers of this page would have the taste not to date Alanis queens, Meredith Brooks queens, or, heaven forfend, Jewel queens. I hesitate to even breathe the rumor that there might be LeAnn Rimes queens. I don't wish to soil my mind with imagining what the proclivities of those poor souls might be.

Larry-bob
larrybob@gmail.com
1/11/99


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