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The Gay Rapper Article!
CONFESSION OF A GAY RAPPER
BY JAMAL X
So what is it you want to know? he asks in a cool voice that sounds
like he is trying to put the moves on me. Or maybe I am just a pit
Though one of Billboard's top selling rap acts has finally agreed to openly
talk about his sexuality with a member of the press fro the first time,
he still wishes for his identity to remain a secret. A secret I have
to carry to my grave.
Truthfully, I am not sure what to ask, since I am supposed to be
correct and accept homosexuality. What made you decide that you wanted
to come out of the closet? I try to ask without looking interested in a
date, but this story. I can not help but judge him by his over-zealous
display of homeboy mannerism, Since it would be useless to say that I am
straight, I wait for an answer. I always knew that I had an interest in
men, he replies. It is just that I could not always act on it. When you
come from the projects, brothers are not proud to announce that they are
into that kinda shit. But once we all got fucked up, then there is a
brotherhood going round the room and motherfuckers will go down on your
shit and vice versa.
So what you are telling me is that there are many so-called brothers who
dabble into other lifestyles under the influence of drugs or alcohol, I
Yo, a nut is a nut. He laughs to himself. You know when you are on
it is alright to have a sissy suck your dick....Yo, you may even fuck them,
but when your ass is free and everything is supposed to be lovely, you
are not wit that kind of shit. But yo, that shit is like crack. One good
whiff and your ass is whipped. You see, only another brother can satisfy
your need. Yo, I believe that a man is made for a woman and a woman is
made for a man, but only a man knows what a man needs and feels. Only a
man can satisfy another man.
So what about your personal life? Is there a special person in your
There is, but when I was on tour last summer, my lover was not too happy
about me being away so long. Plus he knew that there were other
on the road who were into it just like me, you now what I am saying. Just
cause we swinging like that do not mean we lost our male existences, he
says with a wink.
Let me tell you about being on tour:It is like a combination of being in
jail - everybody is like on morphine - and being motherfuckin kids in a
toy store. First up, nobody has any scruples or morals and nobody is got
their memory anymore, he says. He remembers one night at Freaknic in
near the beginning of his career. We did this show at the Coca-Cola parking
lot. There was like a million motherfuckers and they were from everywhere.
So after the show we went back to the hotel and shit. And we started
and getting high; Around 2 O'clock in the morning naggers are fucked up!
An they are like, Let's go get some pussy. So, yo, I may get fucked, but
I are not no stranger to pussy; so I am wit it. My boy wonÕt get
mad, we got an understanding as long as I am doing the right thing.
We get in the car and niggas are screaming out the window and we just
to nowhere. I am thinking we are gonna get pulled over by some state
and be another group of rap artists going to jail. We pull up to this place
and from afar it looks like a Greek Picnic. But up close it is many, many
motherfuckers outside. Some from the concert I remember checkin me out.
When we drive by and park on the side street and walk up (we see) it is
this guys club named Loretta's. up close it is many, many motherfuckers
outside. Some from the concert I remember checkin me out. When we drive
by and park on the side street and walk up (we see) it is this guys club
named Loretta's. Yo! My boy told me about it and he told me he did not
want my ass in there.
So now I am buggin; cause here is the hardest of the hard walkin through
the door and this nigga says,Word. Maybe I can get some faggot to suck
my joint. They are laughing like it is a game. They turn to me and say,
Yo, ya alright with this shit? Before I could answer, the nigga says, Cause
I am not no homo, but I will get my shit off.
in less than an hour we had picked up three young brothers from the club
and we was back up in the hotel room. It is like a fuckin orgy: niggas
got their pants around their ankles and there is so much dick sucking going
on -- And what were you doing during this event? (I was curious because
I was being aroused. Funny do not you think ?)
I was just smoking a joint an chilling. Holding my own. Yeah, right. So
the next day, we get up and we are hung over and everyone except for me
ca not remember anything that happened the night before.
We go into IHOP (International House of Pancakes) and niggas are braggin
about the pussy they had last night. We got back to New York. I told my
boy what happened.
Of course curiosity is killing me and I am dying to ask. So I do: Would
you care to elaborate a few names? He adjusts his seat and looks me
in the eye. I try to give him a look to remind him that I am conducting
and interview and not trying to get a date. (It is moments like this when
I question my relationship with this magazine's publisher - maybe he knows
something about me that I do not know yet.)
I do not drop dimes on other people's business, he answers. I do not like
them in my business.
Which brings me back to my original question: Why are you coming forward
with this? He sits straight up as if heÕs preparing to address an
audience at a news conference. Never showing that he is nervous, he removes
his sunglasses, showing his light colored eyes for the first time. I was
at a party and niggas was talking about that Eazy-E shit and I got t
to myself, How come people still are not face the fact that AIDS is real
and it ain't no white faggot disease and it ain't some God damnation or
whatever dumb shit you put in your head?...
Cause whatever it is, it is here and it are not going nowhere until
gay and straight, learn to respect it and respect each other. There is
a lot of gay hip-hop artists out there and the day that any of them drop
dead, it is gonna get covered up with some fake story. But the truth is
they was fucking around, just like I was fucking around before I wanted
to be a rapper. Shit, if I did not have someone in my life, I would be
fucking around with a lot of them myself. An yo, I could name at least
three of them who are HIV positive and that bitch Wendy Williams (from
New York's Hot 97 radio station) fuckin jokes about who is HIV positive,
when you could check the selections from her closet from all the dick that
she is sucked, she could have AIDS right here and now.
So why is it okay to call out Wendy and other artists? He looks me straight
in the face with a force I feel rushing through me and a warmth that
begins to frighten me Cause I learned the hard way that niggas do not think
that I can be hard and true to my craft if I am putting a dick in my mouth.
Yo, I am just as well as any motherfuker out there. I grew up in Brooklyn
and been shot up, stabbed and jumped and beat-down - my shit is as real
as it can be. I thought that being a man was having a girl and a baby and
going to jail, but that didnÕt make me a man. But people like her
think it is a joke and all she cares about is who is likstening, but are
not nobody really listening to what the fuck is going on.
He seems a little heated. And, for some strange reason, so am I. He is
hitting all the right points and I am remembering the time I was playing
my junior high school buddy, Terrance and we began experiencing things
with each other that I did rather not talk about now.....
So back to this mate. Are you still together? Yeah me and my boy are living
happily ever after and all that shit. We hang out, we play ball, we go
to the Village and shop and more. He comes with me to the studio when I
am working on my album or when I am producing somebody else is shit. It
is the best shit. My mom's thinks he is my assistant and my baby's mother
calls him my flunky, but that is my little nigga. He holds me and takes
care of me when IÕm sick and rubs my back when IÕve had a
rough day and shit.
What kind of man turns you on? I am uneasy asking this question for two
reasons: 1) It is such a stereotypical thing to ask you)
2) For my own curiosity, I had to ask.
You know that Adina Howard song? I need a ruffneck brother to satisfy me.
I can not help but smile to myself. He returns the smile......my heart
skips a few beats and I try to imagine what his mate looks like. Judging
from his figure, I guess heÕd be interested in Common on one end
of the spectrum and AZ on the other. Is this how Scott Pouison Bryant felt
when he interviewed LL Cool J
Let me ask you a question, he says. I am taken back by this, but what
have you known to be laid back and quiet? You want to ask me a
Yeah, he says through a crooked smile. This is it. I am going to asked
out on a date or more by------------------. All of my male friends are
going to be grossed out, all of my female friends will be grossed out ;
with envy. And I guess I could stick my chest out a few more inches and
have great dinner with industry bullshitters. So what is it you want to
ask me? Seems like an intelligent thing to say, especially since little
beads of sweat are popping out of my forehead and my palms are getting
Do you think of me any different now that you know that I mess around?
Well I have to be truthful with him and myself. Just because he sex with
other men instead of women does not mean that he does not carry a 9 and
is not well versed in its use. And knowing my luck, I could wind up hurt
like that reporter who made the wrong comment to Dr. De. I do not think
it Õs a good idea to mention that a lot of people kinda already
know; since it is the talk of the business anyway. So I ask, ÒMess
around or gay? (I am proud of the way I ease from the flirting range.)
You know what I mean. Now I am more confuse than when I got here. The truth
is, I do not know. One of things we discussed earlier was that Black people
do not know how to separate a person's professional and personal lives.
No, I say.I do not think you are different. In fact I respect you even
more than I did a week ago.
He bursts into laughter. Maybe he thinks I was making a funny. His
seems to soften a bit. Not in a faggot kinda way, but like he is gettin
his mack on. He leans over the table, bringing his face close. Do you did
not respect me last week?
Now it feels like a dog and cat chase; or in this case a dog and dog chase.
:Lets just say I did not necessarily approve of the lyrical content of
your music all of the time.
I am just keeping it real. Keeping it real or keeping a front? The last
question I have to ask is a simple one. What kind of advice would you give
to young brothers and sisters and artists who are struggling with their
personal lives and professional decisions?
All I have to say is this: There are a lotta people out there who will
judge you on the merits of what you do in your bed, but fucking a girl
do not make you a man. There are a lot of brothers out there who you see
in videos, on tour, and hear on the radio who are cock diesel and being
real for the public but behind closed doors? That is some other shit. You
all know why I did this interview; Though I have not told half of the shit.
I wanted to be able to let dem know that the jig is up and those closet
doors are gonna get kicked open.
We both stand and I reach to turn off the tape recorder. He extends his
hand - decorated with diamonds laid in gold, with a diamond clad Rolex
hanging over his wrist; if there was any more light I would be blinded
- and I hake it. I reach for the tape recorder and he asks, So, what are
That is another story altogether..
Wendy's Response to the Gay Rapper Article