Misogynist Gay Men

Gay men are a bunch of misogynists. It's a well known fact. Being gay isn't about loving men -- it's about hating women.

"I can't stand being in a place that's too fishy. All that fish -- you know I don't like fish, Blanche."

Of course, it's not like straight men aren't misogynistic, and it seems like they have more to lose than homo men do. We only have the friendship of half of humanity to lose -- they stand to lose getting laid.

Naturally, since gay men are gay because we were turned that way by our mothers, we hate women, since women are responsible for the unfortunate way we are. Can't seem to find my copy of Freud around here to confirm this. But as I see it, all women become a substitute for the mother the gay man wishes to kill so he can marry his father (represented by that butch number standing over by the bar, flanked by his fag hag), in the inverted Oedipus complex of the topsy-turvy world of the homosexual.

Speaking of fag hag, the very name drips with contempt. What woman would want to hang out with gay men -- obviously only one so undesirable as to deserve the name of a hag. The fag hag presents a constant opportunity for the gay man to torture a woman who desires him, by constantly rebuffing her desire. (Gosh, I love making bizarre and nonsensical pronouncements of amateur psychology and bullshit philosophy like this -- it makes me feel like Camille Paglia!)

I am surprised we never hear about gay men who go on killing sprees murdering women. It's hard to imagine a gay male rapist of women, but possible, I suppose, at least in movies like "Looking for Mr. Goodbar," "Silence of the Lambs," or "Dressed to Kill."

But if gay men are so misogynistic, why do they idolize Marlene, Mae, Talulah, Judy, Yma, Barbra, Yoko, Nico, Patti, Madonna, Annie, Cyndi, Björk, Courtney, and the rest? Are these goddesses exceptions, or the rule? Do gay men perhaps think that their idols are not women, but actually drag queens? What is the true answer to the diva dilemma?

Maybe it's years of being told "you throw like a girl." Always teased for a "femininity" that they knew they did not posess, gay men have reflected that contempt back on the women who should have been their allies in a hetero male dominated world.

Misogyny seems so 70s. Strangely enough, so does lesbian seperatism. Something about the past decade has brought gay men and lesbians together. Hmm, could it be AIDS? Lesbians have done plenty in the fight against that plague, despite the fact that gay men have never done anything in particular about breast cancer.

But since so many trendy yet ugly signs of the 70s have returned, such as bell bottoms and polyester shirts, why not misogyny? Clubs could start enforcing no-women policies by banning open-toed shoes again -- though I can't remember when the last time I saw a woman wearing open-toed shoes was. Perhaps banning Doc Martins would be more effective.

Note: This piece is satirical. I ordinarily wouldn't mention it, but I've gotten a lot of email from people who don't realize that.


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